remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
