dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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