I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
