on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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