you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
