My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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