she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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