We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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