Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
