I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
