I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
