I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
