Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
