i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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