ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
