JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
