I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
