You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
