for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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