are you so shy because you have an std?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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