We got so high we made milksteak
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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