i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
