the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
