I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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