Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
