she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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