Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
