I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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