I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
