Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
