We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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