Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
