That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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