Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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