My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
