I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
