Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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