It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This house was built for laser tag.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The adults are the big ones right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
