Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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