So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
