So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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