Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
