i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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