so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
