so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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