What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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