I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
