Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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