he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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