Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
