I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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